Masochism and Manicotti: A Taste For Torture

“Did you know that you are ugly, and I hope you die?” This headlines is brought to you by the blond, bad seed I have been paid to watch for the evening.
Here I am a scrawny, 15 years old, punk rocker in high school. Like most girls this age I am a babysitter, and you have just been introduced to my toughest “client”.
Ever since I was 14 I would take any work that came my way. To this day, I have a really hard time saying “no” to honest work, but this job was particularly unpleasant. If I had been paid for every time I uttered the sentence, “That’s not very nice.” I would have been making call girl money instead of $5 an hour. This girl was 8 years old, and was brimming with pure, white, hot, hate. The things that came out of her mouth made me think that I might be a tad under qualified for this job and perhaps a priest would be more equipped to deal with such a young lady. I didn’t take her outburst, and throwing of heavy objects too personally since her mother made it clear that they had difficulties finding and keeping sitters.
You may ask yourself why would I continue to return to such an unpleasant work environment? Well, in a word, manicotti.
See, the mother of this child was so grateful that I would continue to take her calls she used to make me “treats”. As soon as I could wrangle the demon to bed I would devour plates full of hamantaschen (those amazing little hat-like cookies with yummy fillings) and pans full of heavenly manicotti!
I was a disgusting teenager. I would actually eat ever single cookies she left (over a dozen) and nearly an entire baking pan of manicotti. Sometime I ate it cold right out of the pan. I was an animal. As my Grammy would say, “Geez kid, you got a hollow leg?” Yes, yes I did.
I would put myself right back in the lions den, time and time again just to eat at their house.

I have been missing those manicotti days (sans the abuse) and wanted to try my hand at it.
I decided I wanted to use eggplant instead of pasta, and roasting eggplant is quick and easy! Can you use pasta? Sure. There is a lot of GF pastas out there, but using eggplant is cheap, filling (without the heaviness), and a little lower from the carb perspective. Like all of my recipes, let it be a jumping off point for you.

If you would like to make this vegan please refer to my vegan ragu recipe, and use Tofuti Ricotta Cheese.
I did use vegan cheese for my dish, but if you can have dairy please, for my sake, have at it! Regular ricotta or goat cheese is perfect!

Eggplant Manicotti w/Sweet and Spicy Chicken Sausage Sauce

1 large eggplant (cut the long way into half to quarter inch slices)
Chop either heel end of the eggplant and put aside (this will be put in the filling)
1 lb of loose (you can remove the casing) sweet Italian sausage (I chose chicken)
1 Jar of your favorite pasta sauce (I like sweet pepper, or basil)
1 small diced red onion
3 cloves of garlic
16oz of ricotta (or vegan Tofuti ricotta)
 Salt and pepper
 Olive oil (for the pan)
 Red Pepper Flakes (optional)


Preheat the oven to 375

Cut the eggplant the long way in ½ to ¼  inch thick slices. Place foil on a cookie sheet, brush or spray foil with oil. Salt and pepper the foil and place eggplant in a single layer on sheet. Pepper the top and place in the oven. Turn over half way through baking. These will probably take about 15 minutes, or until soft and bendable.

 

In a skillet saute the chopped garlic. Please remove from the casing if you couldn’t find the sausage loose. Cook sausage until it is no longer pink, and remove from the pan leaving a little of the juice. The sausage should be pretty lean so there should not be a lot of fat that remains, but there should be liquid in the pan. Use this to saute the red onions and the chopped heals of the eggplant that you set aside. When the onion is soft and slightly transparent add the ricotta to the pan, and stir until heated evenly. You can set the filling aside.

Combine the chicken sausage and the pasta sauce of your choice and heat thoroughly. Add red pepper flakes for some spice!

You can now begin to assemble your manicotti. Take a spoonful of filling on a eggplant slice and then roll, topping with the sauce and you are ready to serve!

If you are making dinner for a large group you can actually use partially roasted eggplant (or par baked) to make a gf lasagna like dish. Spray a baking dish with oil, place a layer of eggplant at the bottom, then filling, then eggplant, and so on. Top with real cheese or vegan cheese and bake at 300 for 30 minutes.

The Forbidden Burger

When I was young we rarely ate meat. In fact I feel that there was a time when we didn’t eat meat at all. If we did eat meat it was never “red meat”! I would watch T.V. and I would be fascinated by all the hamburger commercials. Square patties of ruby red meat sizzling sinisterly on shining, silver griddles. They called to me like sirens. I didn’t know why, but I needed to have one! Beef was dangerous, and forbidden. It was the rock n’ roll, the James Dean of meats! I knew that there was only one woman that could get me that contraband...Grammy! She was the first person to give me all the things I wasn’t allowed to have, for example chewing gum. The first time she gave me a piece I nearly lost my mind. I knew it would be big trouble if my folks found out, and eventually I realized the anxiety and guilt far outlasted the flavor. I was on a burger mission. I was obsessed. One evening my visiting Grammy was entrusted with babysitting me. My folks went out to dinner and it was suggested we do the same. My Grammy said she was going to take me to one of her favorite little places. I remember seeing that smiling star as we pulled up and I couldn’t wait to bust out of that child seat! We walked in and I was in heaven. A smiling young girl in a visor stood behind a register and welcomed me to “Carl’s Jr.” What a mystical and magical place this was, and I wasn’t sure who Carl was, but I was impressed! The young lady sweetly asked what I would like, and I said, “I would like some red meat please.” My Grammy laughed and ordered me a hamburger. We were handed our meal and we sat at one of their lovely tables. I took a big bite of my first hamburger and...well, it was gross. I didn’t like it at all! The texture was super weird and I kind missed my Mom’s “hamburgers” (that would be a falafel patty with ketchup and mustard). So I didn’t exactly fall in love with burgers that day, but they certainly grew on me as I got older. There are some nights that a burger just sounds nice! Ironically I don’t really eat beef at all, but I have been known to have a bison burger/steak every now and then.

I wanted to develop a recipe that would breathe a little life into the average burger. I have tried this recipe with bison, turkey, chicken, and I do believe it would make a tasty salmon burger. I am a fan of the chicken burger because of the amount of protein and the lack of fat. If you would like to use turkey and you want a texture similar to beef ask you can ask your butcher for ground dark meat. If you are a beef lover I encourage you to try this recipe.

Basil Burger w/ Jiffy Pickled Red Onions

This will make 4 burgers

1 lb of your favorite ground meat. (I have used chicken)
1 bunch of fresh basil chopped
1 to 3 cloves of chopped garlic (I love garlic so I go for 3)
sea salt and pepper to taste

“Jiffy Pickles”

Thinly sliced red onion and (preferably Persian) cucumbers
Seasoned rice vinegar
Place cucumbers, red onions, and rice vinegar in a bowl and set aside. These can marinate for 30 minutes to 24 hours. 30 minutes will do the trick.

Mix the meat, garlic, basil, with the salt and pepper. Create the patties and use an out door grill, a grill pan, or a skillet. Make sure the pan/grill is on medium heat. Lightly spray pan with oil. If you are using an out door grill you can brush a little oil on the grill surface. Grill over medium heat for 5 to 6 minutes per side. If you are using bison or beef cook until it reaches the desired “doneness”.

Coco-Bean Dream

I miss the Bay Area. I miss the grocery stores and the produce. I miss how all the Thai places in a 10 mile radius recognized my voice when I called in orders. I miss my friends, and I miss the food! I really miss the boba drinks. What is a boba? The bounty hunter you ask? No, but you are awfully cool if that was your guess. Boba, also known as bubble drinks, or tapioca drinks are a phenomenon. For those who hate tapioca they are not for you, and in fact just skip this post all together.

These drinks are usually tea, or smoothie-like drinks with large tapioca balls at the bottom. You can also order these lovely things with red beans at the bottom. The delicious beverage requires chewing which freaks some people out. The first time I tried one I was intrigued. I remember taking my first sip and thinking, “Oh, I am choking, and it is deeeelicious!”


My 2 most favorite bobas to get were “Thai Iced Tea, No Milk, with Boba” which is like liquid crack! My other favorite was a “Coco-bean with red beans”. This was a delicious concoction I had never had in all my years. Westerners really don’t have a lot of beans in their desserts. We think of beans as being “baked”, “chili”, or “refried”. None of these make you want dessert. I was skeptical, but after trying them I found them to be delightful! Adzuki beans are actually good for you too. Adzuki beans are good source of magnesium, potassium, iron, zinc, copper, manganese and B vitamins. You can legitimately have dessert and call it healthy (in moderation folks!) Back to my precious “Coco-Bean”. This beverage consisted of coconut milk, ice, and red beans with some additional red beans at the bottom. Maybe on occasion I had them throw some tapioca pearls on the bottom too! It was like a party in a cup.


I really wanted to make a dessert reminiscent of this. I have ommited refined sugars, and eggs. So far we have a vegan treat with your choice of coconut sugar or agave. I don't use a lot, but feel free to adjust to taste! So here is my coco-bean dream...

Ingredients:

• 1 cups coconut milk
• ½ cup small pearl tapioca (not "Minute" tapioca, I recommend Bob’s Red Mill)
• 1 cup almond milk
• 1 cup coconut palm sugar divided
• ¼  t. salt
• ½ t. GF vanilla extract
• 1 ⅓ C. Adzuki Bean

Adzuki Bean Note: You can certainly buy this already prepared at an Asian market (usually frozen), but I will be honest with you, there is a lot of sugar in them. If you want to control the amount of sugar you are consuming make them on your own. You can freeze the leftovers if you would like. Bean paste is actually supper delicious in pancakes, cookies, etc. You will find that the recipe asks you toss out the water and replace with new water while cooking. This helps get rid of some of the difficult to digest starches...I know, the the yummiest detail.

Preparing the Adzuki first as they take some prepping:

Put adzuki beans in a deep pot and pour enough water to cover them. Soak adzuki for a half day or overnight. Put the pot on high heat and bring to a boil. Turn down the heat to medium and simmer adzuki for about 10 minutes. Drain in a colander. Put the adzuki beans back in the pot and add about four cups of water. Bring to a boil on high heat. Turn down the heat to low and simmer adzuki beans for about one hour, or until softened. Carefully drain the liquid from the pot. Add coconut sugar or agave and salt to your taste and stir adzuki. Further, simmer adzuki until it becomes your desired thickness. Stop the heat.

On to the pudding!

Please soak tapioca pearls in water for at least 30 minutes, but up to an hour or so. This will help with the cooking process.

Drain the water and place the coconut milk, almond milk, vanilla and coconut sugar/agave  in the pan. If you have a nut allergy go all coconut! Stir while it is on a low simmer. It will thicken without the need for GF flour or eggs. This should take approximately 15 minutes. You will know it is done when the pearls are translucent.

Serve chilled or warm with adzuki beans and your favorite fruit. I fancy mangoes myself! Hope you enjoy.

Bad Date/Good Shrimp




Trick photography: I am smiling, and the only drink in view is a virgin cocktail.

 

As a young girl I often dreamed of one day blossoming into a Sophia Loren, Marilyn Monroe type; you know, the kind of woman men found intoxicating. This dream/wish/prayer was ultimately misunderstood, and I was instead bestowed with a back assward super power. Men I have been on dates with don’t necessarily find me intoxicating, but rather, I regularly find them to be intoxicated. Somehow my charms only work on the drunk. A majority of the dates I have been on consist of me either sharing a meal with a semi-sober sociopath (a sad tongue twister if ever there was one) or a boozer. In terms of picking my poison it is really a toss up. While some women have the power of seduction, I have the ability to inspire the same urges as that of an “Irish Wake”. Not sure what exactly it is about me, but I have somehow developed into the Mata Hari of liquor (where is that firing squad when you need it). Furthermore, if there were a Care Bear of Alcoholism (better known as “Drinks-o-lot”) I would be it! I would be the color of bourbon, and when I leaned back, the bottle of Jamison embroidered on my belly would arc into a magical rainbow that would hit my dates square in the kisser. It wouldn’t be so bad if I too could black out like my dates and forget the whole thing happened, but this is not so. I swear this is going somewhere, trust me.


Generally speaking I am quite bored on these dates and must find ways to entertain myself. Sometimes I count my teeth with the tip of my tongue, or try to remember the names of all the Von Trapp children. Other times I think of ways to concoct recipes from the dishes featured on the restaurant's menu. About 157 years ago, when I still had faith in that social roulette game called dating, and I could still eat normal food, I found myself at this spectacularly kitschie place known for their 60’s tiki decor. They had all the pan-Asian fusion dishes you would expect, and I was drawn to the coconut shrimp. I have had it 1000 times, and I gladly enjoyed this oldie but goodie while my date chattered on about his mother, compulsive gambling, or past break-ups...who can remember?


I would imagine you are as bored with my past dating life as I am, I should get on to the real dish.

I have missed enjoying these coconut shrimp, but truth be told if I could still eat them I would do it rarely. I am not that spring chicken I once was, and eating fried food just doesn’t sit well with me. I wanted to find a way to make a tasty GF version that everyone could enjoy, guilt free. I also wanted to kick up the flavor a notch. My goal was to take this bar food and make it more sophisticated, and pairing coconut and red curry paste worked out famously! These shrimp can be baked or pan seared. Also, feel free to use chicken or any other meat of your choice. Baking requires little oil while the pan version requires a bit more. I prefer baking because I am usually doing 10 things at once and the oven serves as an extra set of hands when all your burners are occupied.



Basic ingredients.


You really won’t need all too many ingredients. You can find the curry paste, and fish sauce at most stores in the Asian aisle.

I realize that you may have never encountered fish sauce before, but it is used in a lot of Asian dishes. It is used in the same way most people use salt; it enhances flavors. If you think you hate curry, give red curry a try. It has a unique flavor that you may not expect, and may love. Who knows? Thai Kitchen is a great brand because they list allergens and label their ingredients as “Gluten Free” when applicable.

Coconut Curry Shrimp
1 lb of raw, cleaned, shelled, de-veined shrimp
3 T of Thai Kitchen Red Curry Paste
2 T Fish Sauce
Dash of garlic powder, and onion powder
½ C of (GF) Flour or GF Panko
½ C of shredded coconut (I prefer unsweetened since I pair this with mango chutney, but that is up to you!)
Mango Chutney (home made if you like, or pick up a jar at the store. Read the label, but most are made without gluten).

To prep for this recipe I recommend marinating the shrimp, though you certainly don’t have to if you are short on time. After de-veining the shrimp pinch their tails off. There is no need to keep those old tails around.

To marinate mix the curry paste and fish sauce. You should have a thin paste like substance. Rub mixture on shrimp and coat as much as possible. If you need to mix up more do so!

Mix marinade and shrimp.

Refrigerate for 20 minutes up to 24 hours. It’s a great way to prep for a party!

When you are ready to bake begin by preheat oven to 425 degrees. Also prepare a baking sheet by spraying it with cooking oil, or covering it with parchment paper.

Stir the GF Flour (or panko) with garlic and onion powder ingredients together in a bowl. Set aside.

There should be enough of the marinade to make the coating mixture stick. You can get a second bowl and uses 2 beaten eggs as a wash if you would like.  

Coat shrimp.

In a third bowl, place the shredded/flaked coconut.

1. 
   If you decide to dip the shrimp  in egg do this first, then in the GF flour/panko mix to lightly coat, then dip back in the egg, and finally roll in the coconut. Lay the shrimp on its side on your prepared baking sheet. Depending on the size and number of shrimp you're making, you may need to use one more egg. Try to avoid over-coating, or your shrimp will be flat on one side.
   

   

   Ready to bake!

   
2. Bake on the middle rack at 425 degrees for 15 minutes, or until coconut is lightly toasted (light golden-brown). Turn the shrimp halfway through baking.
3. These are best served warm or hot and with with my mango chutney!